Harry Potter and the Magic of Stupidity
by CoconutBanana
Summary: Harry woke up feeling pretty lightheaded. Oh well, it was going to be an interesting day. As always. A parody of Harry Potter, featuring Boss!Harry, unicorn socks, and a Voldemort voodoo doll.
1. Chapter 1

Harry Potter and the Magic of Stupidity

Chapter 1- Pink Unicorn Socks, Vomited-sprouts Jellybeans & the Vampire Diaries

Harry woke up feeling pretty lightheaded. Oh well. It would be an interesting day, as always.

"Accio Toothbrush," Harry said, giving his wand an extra flourish. Oh man, he was like a boss. The toothbrush came flying with a small 'whoosh', and Harry caught it easily. Then he dropped it. Oh well.

Leaning down to pick up his toothbrush, he noticed a small, green, jellybeen lying on the floor. Harry picked it up, and popped it in his mouth.

"Bleah!" he shouted, spitting it right out. "Vomit mixed with sprouts! I freaking HATE that flavour!"

Harry wondered why someone would make that sort of flavour. Possibly that was what it tasted like to eat the sprouts someone had vomited out.

There was a tap on the door, and Harry resisted the urge to cast a bombing spell. He hated it when someone interrupted his morning musings.

"Get out here! NOW!" he heard his Aunt Petunia shout.

"I'm coming, just wait a minute!" he replied, striking a pose in front of the mirror in his room.

Humming his favorite Brittney Spears song, he pulled out a pair of socks. They were pink and had unicorns on them. Sighing, he put them on; he hated getting Dudley's hand-me-downs.

He wondered for a moment which t-shirt he should wear, then he settled for a black one with 'Talk to me and I'll shoot you' written on it. He really loved that t-shirt. He had been wearing it for the last two weeks.

He didn't bother putting on trousers, all of his ones had once belonged to Dudley. So he put on some of his Christmas boxers, and walked down the stairs, practicing his 'Draco Malfoy Strut'.

"Finally!" his Aunt snapped at him. Harry just rolled his eyes, and sat down.

"Mummy, why doesn't Harry have to wear trousers?" Dudley asked in a whiny voice.

"Because he…" she trailed off, not sure herself.

"Can I not wear trousers too?" Dudley asked, and tugged at his trousers.

"NO!" everyone shouted at the same time. Harry shuddered at the thought of Dudley without trousers.

Just then, the phone rang. Harry went to pick it up, sliding across the polished floor with his pink unicorn socks.

"Hello, this is Harry Potter, student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, mortal enemy of Tom Marvolo Riddle, aka Voldemort, and headmaster Dumbledore's favourite student, speaking." Harry said. He always answered the phone like that.

"Hey Harry! It's Percy speaking! You know, Ron's brother."

Harry groaned. He hated speaking to Percy.

"Yep. Wazzup?" He asked, fiddling with the wire of the telephone.

"Erm, I need to inform you, on behalf of the Ministry, that you have been arrested for underage magic."

Harry yawned, and scratched his ear. "Yep, so?"

"Well, you've been arrested! ARRESTED! A-r-r-e-s-t-e-d!"

Harry sighed. "Whatever. Anything else?"

"But- but… you've been arrested!" Percy said in an outraged voice.

"I repeat, whatever. Dumbledore will sort it out for me." And with that, Harry hung up.

"Anything interesting?" Uncle Vernon asked, looking out from the top of his newspaper.

"Nope. Some dude called to inform me that I've been arrested." Harry shrugged.

Uncle Vernon gave an indifferent grunt, and turned back to his newspaper.

"I'm going for a fly with Mahogany king," Harry told the others, then he turned to go. He absolutely loved flying with his broom, it was a feeling that nothing could beat. He loved it more than anything else, and nothing could stop him from going with his trusty nimbus 2000 to look at the world from a bird's perspective.

Harry heard Dudley turn on the TV, and was about to leave the room, when he heard the theme song of 'the Vampire Diaries'.

He turned and ran to the sofa so fast, Dudley hadn't even managed to stuff a chip in mouth.

"I LOVE the Vampire Diaries!" Harry squealed. "Team Delena forever!"

"Noooo…" Aunt Petunia cried "But Stefan is so… _chiseled_!"

"Nuh-uh. Damon's abs are WAY hotter." Harry argued, before turning his full attention to the TV.

Just then, a big grey owl flew through the open window, and crash landed in Dudley's bag of chips. Dudley gave a high pitch shriek, ran to his mum, and jumped in her arms. But, because of his weight, Aunt Petunia collapsed on the floor, her teacup shattering on the floor. Uncle Vernon ran towards her to help, but slipped in the tea, and fell on top of his wife and son.

Harry just sat on the sofa, his eyes glued to the TV.

Reaching beside him, he put his hand into the bag of chips, hoping to steal a few from Dudley, only to pick up something big, feathery, and very, _very _alive.

"Ahhhhhh" shrieked Harry, dropping the 'thing' back in the bag.

Then he turned his full attention back to the TV. Again.

Meanwhile, after lots of groaning and cursing, the Dursleys picked themselves up from the ground. Uncle Vernon was purple in the face, and a vein was bulging in his forehead.

"BOY!" He yelled at Harry, "What did I tell you about owls, and YOU-KNOW-WHAT?"

Harry held up a finger, and said "It's almost over, just wait a second."

Uncle Vernon was quickly distracted by a chocolate biscuit lying on the table.

Harry gave a contented sigh as his favorite show in the whole wide world came to an end.

"Uncle Vernon, you wanted to speak to me?" he asked his uncle.

Uncle Vernon tried to remember what he had wanted to punish Harry for, but failed. "Erm, never mind."

Harry shrugged, and looked at the 'thing' next to him, realizing that it was Errol, Ron's owl. He plucked the letter from his foot, grabbed the owl, and threw him out of the window.

Then he preceded to hop up the stairs, and lock the door to his room. He tore the letter open, and gave the envelope to Hedwig. Paper envelope was her favorite treat.

_Dear Harry_

The letter started.

_It's Ron_

**_and Hermione here._**

_and Ginny! Don't forget me!_

_Ginny, what the heck are you doing in our letter? This is a PRIVATE letter to our BEST FRIEND Harry! Go away!_

_That's not very nice! I am friends with Harry too!_

_Yeah, but were BEST FRIENDS!_

**_Could you two please stop arguing? Or if you must, then please go away!_**

**_…_**

**_They have actually gone away to argue. I sometimes really can't believe those two… Anyway. How are you, Harry? I am very well. I miss you a lot, I wish you could be here! Have you been doing your homework? I wrote a whole 2000 words more than what Professor Snape asked us for, but I'm still wondering what I can add. I think I might write about how the moonstone can change the property of-_**

_Yeah, yeah, Hermione. We all know that you're a genius. No need to bore Harry to death._

**_*sniff* now you come back. I was just getting to the interesting stuff…_**

_Harry, if you want to spend the last week of the holidays with us, you can just floo yourself here! Hope to see you soon! Byeeee_

**_Bye Harry! Please do come here! I want to ask you about the way wolfbane can-_**

_Whatever. Bye!_

_Yeah! Bye Harry! Lots of love!_

_Eww! Ginny sent Harry love! Ginny loves Harry! Ginny loves Harry! GINNY LOVES HARRY!_

**_That's enough, Ron._**

_Bye!_

_Bye! (Sorry for the embarrassing comment by Ron. SO not true… he… he… he…)_

**_Bye Harry! Lots of Love!_**

_Oh god, not you too? Do you love Harry too? But why does everyone love Harry?_

_Bye_

Harry smirked after reading the letter. It was _so _true… Everybody loved him.

**A/N: So, thanks for reading. I really hope you guys liked it, and please review. ~Coco**

**Harry: **Yeah! If you don't review, I'll force you to eat the vomit-sprouts jellybean I spat out, and it has been on the floor for several hours! So you had better review!

**Coco: **Erm, thanks, Harry. Well. Please review any suggestions you have, or whether or not I should continue, or whatever! Also, are you team Stefan of team Damon? Or do you not like the Vampire Diaries?

**Harry:** Omigod, how can someone NOT like the Vampire Diaries? And TEAM DELENA FOREVER!

**Coco: **Thanks anyway, and Luv you guys! xo ~Coco


	2. Chapter 2

Harry Potter and the Magic of Stupidity

**A/N: So, from now on, I am going to update every Tuesday. That means, yes, EVERY TUESDAY WITHOUT FAIL! Unless I tell you beforehand that I won't. I probably can't the day after tomorrow, but from the 6****th**** on!**

Chapter 2-

Harry Potter T-shirts, Witch Weekly & Voodoo Dolls

Although Harry had never used to be very confident, that had changed, of course, when he got accepted to Hogwarts. Once he had found out that he was famous, he had fully intended to use that to his advantage.

Pulling out a T-shirt that said 'I'm the Boy who Lived, and I say: "You Only Live Once. Don't you forget it"', he threw it into his suitcase. Harry had decided that he would leave to go to Ron's house the next day. He grabbed some more random things from his drawers, throwing them in the direction of his suitcase. When he turned around, he realized that none of the things had actually _landed _in the suitcase. Whatever.

He spent half an hour collecting the items from around his room, munching on a liquorice wand, humming _'I'm a Barbie girl'_. That song was fan-freaking-tastic.

Dudley knocked politely on the door, and peeked in. Harry narrowed his eyes. He already could guess what was coming next.

"Erm, my dear, _dear __**brother **_Harry, I was wondering-"

"Nope," Harry cut him off cheerfully.

"B-but you don't even know what I wanted to ask!" Dudley whined.

"Lemme guess. You want to borrow one of my super-fantastically-awesome 'Harry Potter' T-shirts?" Harry said in a bored voice, whilst flicking through his magazine. His Witch Weekly Magazine. Thank goodness he had had enough sense to charm the cover to look like a sports newspaper.

"Y-yes…" Dudley made his eyes all big, like he wanted to be cute or something. It only served to freak Harry out, quite a bit.

"Well, first of all, they don't come in your size, and secondly…" He trailed off, thinking of an answer. "Erm, they are… the… THE BUNNIES STOLE ALL OF THEM!" He shouted suddenly, causing Dudley to jump and Hedwig to wake up, blink a few times, and go back to sleep.

"Pah. Yeah right. I don't believe in bunnies." Dudley stopped, confused. "Wait, I do… But not in your imaginary-t-shirt-stealing bunnies!"

Harry shrugged. "Fine, but you can't have any of my T-shirts."

"Waaaahhh…" wailed Dudley, spinning around in a dramatic fashion, and storming out. Harry heard a large 'thump' followed by several other, quieter 'thump-thump-thumps', indicating that Dudley had, once again, fallen down the steps.

Harry giggled, then went back to reading the article about the best outfits for riding Hippogriffs. He gave a contented sigh. He was truly at peace now, reading Witch Weekly, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, Hedwig was snoring, Petunia was cooking, Dudley was crying, the neighbour was listening to rock music, and the leaves were rustling in a peaceful way.

The perfect Sunday, in Harry's opinion.

Harry went to look out of the window, see if anything was out of the ordinary. Nothing was. Man, he hated Privet Drive so much... He would do anything to get out of this prison. Hell, if Voldemort invited him for a cup of tea, he probably say yes.

Then he remembered Ron's invitation. He quickly finished packing, remembering to pack Mr. Super-fatal-death-blow, his thesteral plushie.

He exited his room, ready to leave this place forever (or, at least until next summer), when he remembered his Voldemort voodoo doll. He went back into his room, and it was a good thing he did, because he had forgotten Hedwig as well.

Hedwig gave an angry "HOOT", and bit Harry's finger.

"You son of a bird!" Harry cursed, and pondered for a moment whether it was worth making a 'Hedwig voodoo doll'. He decided against it.

He stuffed an old envelope in Hedwig's mouth, to which the bird hooted affectionately.

And with that, Harry cheerfully skipped down the stairs, luggage in one hand, and Hedwig's cage in the other, with the owl chewing on the paper.

**A/N: Sorry that this chapter was slightly shorter, the next chapters will be longer, promise!**

**So, it is really important for you guys to review, because I need you guys to let me know the following:**

**1. When should this be set? It can't be before first year, since Harry already knows Ron, Hermione, etc. But it could be before second, third or fourth year.**

**2. Should I include the major events from the book? Eg. The Chamber of secrets opening, etc., but obviously in a parodied version.**

**3. And finally, I really would like you guys to give me some ideas of what you would like to happen. If you review (please do!), you don't have to answer this one, just the first two.**

**Please guys, it really doesn't take long! You could just write as little as…**

**Example review:**

**1. Before 3**

**2. Yes**

**See how short that is? It really only takes a few seconds. If you like, of course, you could write longer ones, but you really don't have to. No, you don't need to have a fanfiction . net account to review, anybody can.**

**Last of all, if I get to 50 reviews (it might take some time, but we can get there :D), then I will do a sort of contest, so… GET REVIEWING!**

**Thanks so much for reading through this, and thank you SO SO much if you reviewed. It makes me much happier to write if I get reviews.**

**P.S if I can give the reviewers shout outs (so name you in my authors notes), then include the code-word 'CHOCO-FROG' in your review.**

**Xo ~Coco**


	3. Chapter 3

Harry Potter and the Magic of Stupidity

**A/N: This Fanfic is set before Harry's fourth year. (More at the end)**

Chapter 3-

Floo Powder, Dudley's Tree, & Code Blue

When Harry arrived at the bottom of the stairs, he grabbed some toast, and ate it. He shouted, "Bye Dusleys, see you next year!", went into the living room, remembered something he still had to do, and went into Dudley's bedroom.

"Dudley, don't you dare go into my room! Don't take any of my stuff!" He yelled.

"Maaaan…" Dudley whined. Then he smiled. "Okay, whatever you say, dear Harry."

_Oh-ho-ho… _Harry thought, _Dudley thinks that he can just sneak into my room and steal my super-awesometastic stuff… Yeah right._

"Uh, and before I forget. Don't go into my room, or you will grow a tree on your head. I did this amazing spell…" Harry told him seriously.

"Your mean. No, wait! You're lying! I can tell!" Dudley screamed at Harry. "I'M GOING TO GO INTO YOUR ROOM! AND THERE IS **NOTHING **YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!"

Harry rolled his eyes at Dudley's mini fit. "Well, on your own head be it." He said, chuckling at the pun.

Dudley's little piggy-eyes squeezed shut, and he gave a final "I-hate-I-hate-I-HATE-you!" and he ran away, drama queen style.

Harry placed a letter on the table, letting his aunt and uncle know that he was going away. They seemed to not be here at the moment, not that Harry cared.

It said:

_Dear Auntie Petunie, Dear Uncle Vernie._

_I'm going to visit my fantabulous friends, and I'll not see you until next summer. Let's not pretend that it's different, we all know nobody cares. I'm so unloved… (I'm trying to make you feel bad… Is it working? I thought not…) Pah. Ya boo sucks! I don't need you, I only need magic, friends, and my own awesomeness. *Insert witty and funny comment here*. Anyways._

_Stay cool (Okay, who am I kidding…)_

_Your cool-o-matic nefew (who is, for unknown reasons, unwanted by you…)_

_Harry Maximus Potter (Maximus is my new middle name. It means awesome in Latin. Or Ancient Greek. Some old language. Or maybe it means potato… I actually dunno what it means, but it sound cool, so DEAL WITH IT!)_

_P.S See ya next summer. Don't let Dudley in my room, or you'll find he has a tree on his head. If he goes in despite my warning, send me a photo._

And with that, Harry kicked the wooden boards covering the fireplace, causing them to fall to the floor with a clatter, jumped into the fire place, banged his head, fell out of the fireplace, cursed, got back into the fireplace, took some floo powder out of his pocket, threw it into the fireplace, and shouted "The Burrow".

"Wheeee" Harry squealed as he got magically spun to the Weasley house.

He arrived, planning on gracefully stepping out onto the carpet and saying something cool, but instead he tripped, fell, covering the carpet with coal dust, and said "Ouch."

Mrs Weasley came scurrying into the living room. "Oh, hello, Harry dear. What are you doing on the floor?" she asked.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm counting bunnies." Harry said sarcastically.

"Well, right, dear. I doubt you'll find any bunnies down there, though." Mrs Weasley told him in a kind way. Harry rolled his eyes, but made sure that she didn't see.

"Are Ron and Hermione here?" he asked.

"Not right now. Do you want something to eat?"

"Erm, no thanks." Harry said.

"Right, dear. I'll make you some soup." Mrs Weasley said, then she hurried into the kitchen.

Harry sighed, picked himself up from the carpet, and wondered what to do next.

He ran up the stairs, crashing straight into Ginny. They both fell down, landing in a bruised pile on the coal-dusty carpet. They slowly got up.

"OUCH!" Harry said, his bottom lip wobbling. _No, Harry! Don't cry! Think of happy things! Think of bunnies! Of Dudley with a tree on his head!_

Harry started laughing out loud. Ginny looked at him in a confused way. "What?" she asked.

"Dud-Dudley with… with a tr- a tree on his HEAD! A TREE!" Harry spluttered out between laughs.

Ginny looked at him like he was mad. Then her eyes widened, and she fell back onto the floor, rolling around, laughing. "A TREE!" she howled.

Harry was laughing so hard his side hurt. Then he saw Percy watching him with a disgusted expression.

"What are you laughing about?" he asked suspiciously.

"Dudley with a tree on his head!" Harry and Ginny replied, clutching their sides.

"Dudley with a…" He trailed off, and a second later he was rolling around too. "A TREE!" he said, tears of laughter coming out of his eyes.

The twins came out of their room.

"We heard-" one started,

"That people-"

"Were laughing-"

"So we came out-"

"Cause' we want to-"

"Laugh too!"

Harry wheezed, "Dudley with a TREE on his head!"

Percy and Ginny were still on the floor, laughing so hard that no sound came out.

The twins looked at each other. "A tree?" one asked, raising an eyebrow.

Then they understood.

Fred shook his head. "Not funny, bro…" He said.

"Definintaly not cool, dude…" George said, also shaking his head, causing his ginger hair to bob.

Harry scowled. "Not my fault you don't have a sense of humor!" he said darkly.

"Excuse me?" Fred (or George) exclaimed, outraged.

Harry realised his mistake immediately. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean anything! Forgive me!"

The twins shook their heads at the same time. "You have made the biggest mistake of all."

"I'm afraid, Harry,"

"That you-"

"Will now-"

"Be subjected-"

"To Code Blue."

"No! Please!" begged Harry, rather doing anything than subjecting himself to the horrors of Code Blue.

_*Flashback*_

_"__We really need to come up with a series of Codes in case some randomer does something that annoys us!" George Weasley said to his brother one stormy evening._

_ "__Yeah! Totally!" said Fred, clapping his hands in excitement._

_"__There will be three Codes." George began solemnly. "Code…" he trailed off, unsure of the first Codes name._

_"__Pink!" squealed Fred._

_"__No!" George glared at his brother, evidently horrified. "Pink clashes horribly with our hair!"_

_"__Lilac?" Fred suggested, but George shook his head again._

_"__Gosh, no! That is Auntie Muriel's favourite colour!" he shuddered._

_"__Brown?"_

_"__Nope, it looks like poop."_

_"__Yellow?" _

_"__It reminds me of that one time Xenophilius and his wife came over from the other side of the hill…" He trailed of, and both twins shuddered at the memory. It had involved a chickin, a book by Lockhart, and Mr. Lovegoods nose hair._

_"__Green?"_

_"__Slytherin colours."_

_"__Orange?"_

_"__I hate the word orange… It doesn't rhyme with anything."_

_"__White?"_

_"__Albus Dumbledore's beard."_

_"__Black?"_

_"__Gosh, Fred! You are really rubbish at this!" He shook his head. "No, the colours will be Blue, Yellow and Purple!"_

_Fred narrowed his eyes. "If you had the three colours, why did you bother asking me?"_

_"__Cause' it was fun." George shrugged. "Now. What should the codes be for?"_

_"__Well, how about this: Code Yellow is for when people call our pranks lame, Code Purple is when people say that we should grow up or if they say we are immature, and Code Blue is for when people…" he paused dramatically. "if people insult our sense of humour."_

_George nodded approvingly. "Good. Now, what should the Codes be?"_

_Fred's eyes lit up. "How about I say a random word, and you say the next random word, and so on, until we have an epic Code?"_

_"__Great idea, Fred!"_

_"__Hang on…" he thought for a moment. "Let's start with code yellow. Whoever calls our pranks lame will have to.."_

_"__Dance-"_

_"__the-"_

_"__Macarena-"_

_"__wearing-"_

_"__nothing-"_

_"__except-"_

_"__for-"_

_"__mum's-"_

_"__nightie-"_

_"__and-"_

_"__then-"_

_"__they-"_

_"__must-"_

_"__draw-"_

_"__a-"_

_"__nude-"_

_"__picture-"_

_"__of-"_

_"__Professor-"_

_"__SNAPE!"_

_Fred gave George a high-five. "Code yellow is done. Now for the two other codes…"_

_*End of flashback*_

"Please! Not code blue! Anything but code blue!" Harry begged, and even Ginny and Percy were staring at the twins with looks of horror…

**A/N: Dun dun dun (dramatic music…) 'What is code blue?' You may ask yourself. The answer: YOU choose! Everybody may submit a review with their idea for code blue, and I will choose the best one. Next Tuesday I will pick the winner, and whoever that is will get a preview of Harry's first task in the triwizard tournament! Namely, a 700 word excerpt of the chapter with the first task**

**Also, I decided for this fic to be set before Harry's fourth year. The most reviews wanted second or fourth year, but I decided to do it like this, as I think the third year is boring (parody-wise) and therefore would rather not deal with it.**

**However, there will still be at least six or seven chapters before the first task, so the prize is still worth it!**

**Review replies:**

**Pancakeatebatman: I love your username! Yep, I chose fourth year! Thanks for reviewing!**

ChocolateCherryFizz: Sorry, but I chose 4th year. Hope you don't mind! Thanks for reviewing!

Saharisa3: Thanks for your great ideas! I will def. include them! (Sorry, but I can't do the first, since I'm not doing 2nd year!)

**To all reviewers: Glad you liked it!**

**Get reviewing!**

**Xo**

**~Coco**

**P.S If you want Review Replies, include the code-word 'CHOCO-FROG' in your review!**


	4. Chapter 4

Harry Potter and the Magic of Stupidity

**A/N: Happy early update! Next week I'm on a class trip, so I'm updating today instead! And congrats to the winner: ReaderBookwormReader!**

Chapter 4-

Embaressment

The twins ignored Harry's pleading, and quickly pulled out two black top hats. Putting them on, Fred began in a serious voice, "As you have violated code blue,"

"You are required to wrap yourself in neon-yellow toilet paper," George continued solemnly.

"Burp the alphabet whilst belly-dancing,"

"Film the whole thing,"

"And send it to the Daily Prophet!"

Harry's jaw dropped. Whatever he had expected Code Blue to be, it was nothing as bad as this. His life was officially over.

"And what happens if I just don't do it?" He asked casually. Nothing was going to get rid of his SWAG, after all.

Fred and George laughed evilly. "You don't want to know…"

Harry's eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. "Erm, yes I do…"

"No you don't!" Fred argued, still speaking in a dark, serious voice.

"I DO!"

"YOU DON'T" The twins looked at each other, panicking. For, of course, they had not thought of anything. They had sort of just expected the violator to do what they said.

"Fine, then I'm not doing it." Harry said stubbornly.

"The- The violator, if they refuse to do their punishment," George quickly improvised, "must… FIND A WAY TO MAKE PIGS FLY!"

George was quite pleased by his suggestion, that is, until Harry pointed out, "I can just use the Levitation Charm…"

"Oh, yeah, I forgot… That is for Code Yellow!" Fred interrupted, before his brother could do more damage. "Code Blue… Oh, yeah! You have to kiss a girl!"

Fred and George shared a disgusted look. Harry shrugged.

Turning around, he grabbed Ginny, flipped her down, so she was (very romantically, of course) only being held up by Harry's strong, manly arms, and he pressed a kiss to her lips.

"EWWW! But girls have COOTIES!" The twins shrieked.

Ginny turned bright red.

Percy looked fascinated. "Would you mind giving me tips about that?" He asked eagerly, before he realised that he was required to play the 'protective older brother' role, seeing as Fred and George were otherwise occupied. (Namely running up and down the stairs screaming.)

"I disapprove of what you just did! I- er… Never want you to step in our house again! No, wait… Erm, you are welcome in our house, BUT STAY AWAY FROM GINNY! Or… You have to marry her now, since you so cruelly stole the precious gift of being the first to kiss her!" He finished dramatically, waving his hands around in the air.

"Perce, I've kissed guys before…" Ginny said, rolling her eyes. That was when everyone realised that she was still hanging off Harry's arm so Harry quickly picked her up.

"WHAT?" Percy was outraged. "MY SISTER IS A…" He struggled to remember the word. It started with 'SL'… Or 'W'… And one rhymed with Knut… "You… Wut!"

"Wut?" Harry and Ginny asked stupidly.

At this moment, the twins stopped running up and down the stairs.

Fred spoke first. "The court-" Harry snorted, "Has decided, that the violator must still do Code Blue."

"Fine…" Said Harry resignedly, forgetting what Code Blue was.

Fred and George looked at each other, thoroughly surprised, and then quickly pulled out an old piece of parchment.

It read:

_I have __stupidly __agreed to do Code Blue._

Harry quickly signed, then asked, "What was Code Blue, again?"

The twins told him, laughing gleefully, and then Harry promptly fainted.

_*Five minutes later*_

After 15 Slaps, 2 Buckets of water, 1 mouth-to-mouth resuscitation (done by a very willing Ginny) and lots of hexes (done mainly by the twins), Harry woke up.

He was confused why both his cheeks were red and sore, his mouth had saliva on it, he was completely soaked, not to mention the fact that his nails had grown to abnormal lengths, he seemed to have a cat's tail, his knees were reversed, his teeth were as large as those of walruses, he had a beard that could present competition to Albus Dumbledore's, a nose that looked like that of Severus Snape, and his whole body seemed to be fuchsia

The twins smiled guiltily. "Erm, about that…"

_*An hour and a half later*_

When Harry was finally cleaned up, he told the twins that he was ready to do his punishment.

The twins brought 150 rolls of toilet paper (Harry was mildly disturbed why the Weasley's owned so much) which they all (except Ginny, as she didn't know how to) preceded to charm neon-yellow.

It was actually forbidden for underage wizards and witches to do magic outside of Hogwarts, but it wasn't like anybody actually listened to that.

Percy was the first to remember. "HARRY! You are doing magic! That is the second time this summer! I'll have to report you to the Ministry!"

Harry, quickly formulating a plan, said "So, Percy, tell me about your NEWTs!"

Percy spent the next hour giving everybody a detailed description of every answer he had written.

"…And on the Arithmacy N.E.W.T, I was sure I had gotten every single answer wrong, but I actually only had one mistake, namely number 175, where I had put…" he trailed off when he realised that everybody was asleep. "Gosh, sometimes I really wonder why I even bother!"

A little later (15 minutes and 32 seconds, to be exact), the others slowly began to wake up. Meanwhile, Percy had settled down to read a book.

"What happened?" Fred asked sleepily.

"I can remember Percy-" George gave a big yawn, "trying to bore us to death…"

Harry didn't say anything, hoping that the others would forget about the punishment that he had yet to fulfil. Needless to say, they didn't.

Fred and George remembered at exactly the same time. They jumped up, and pointed at Harry.

"YOU! Code Blue!" They shouted simultaneously.

Harry stood up coolly. "Fine, let's do this, b-(insert nasty word here that I will not name because this fanfic is rated K+)-es"

Harry stripped off to his underwear, and began to wrap himself up in neon-yellow toilet paper (Ginny had been made to turn around, but that didn't stop her from peeking). Fred and George tried to help, but they ended up somehow tying up everybody in the room into a big, neon-yellow knot. That was when Percy put a stop to that nonsense, and insisted that he should be the one to help Harry.

They had made sure to leave Harry's stomach free (showing off Harry's chiselled six-pack), and George had found one of Mr. Weasley's video-recorders.

Then they were all set and ready for Code Blue to proceed.

"Erm, Fred, George, I just realised that I can't burp on command…" Harry said in a small voice.

Fred and George looked horrified. "You- you can't burp on command? Are you ill? What's wrong?" They asked, concerned.

Harry shrugged. Percy sighed. Fred shook his head. George scratched his ear. Ginny said nothing, she was too busy ogling Harry's stomach.

"There is this one hex," George said, "That might come in handy. If forces you to burp whenever you say something!"

Everyone considered this idea (except for Ginny, who had a little drool trailing down her chin), and eventually approved.

"_Burpisiatus!" _George said, pointing his wand at Harry's mouth.

"Burp." Harry's eyes widened. "I-burp- can-burp- BURP-burp!"

Fred clapped his hands, wanting to get everybody's attention, but the others misinterpreted it as applause, and they were all soon clapping.

Harry bowed, and threw kisses, burping all the while.

"Okay, enough of that!" Fred interrupted, not wanting to lose any more time.

He picked up the video camera, and everyone got into position.

"A B C D…" Harry burped, whilst shaking his stomach around, not looking remotely like he was belly dancing, but it was still hilarious.

"…X Y Z!" He finished off, giving a large belch at the end. The others all clapped, their expressions ranging from disgusted (Percy) to amazed (Ginny) to, well, the twins were rolling around on the floor, howling with laughter.

Percy went off to send the clip to the daily prophet.

Harry ripped off the neon-yellow toilet paper, standing naked (except for his 'Look don't touch' boxers),and stood in the middle of the room, when Ron and Hermione walked in.

Ron looked from the room (filled with neon-yellow toilet paper) to Harry (basically naked) to Ginny (with drool on her chin and eyes on Harry) to the twins (laughing so hard that no sound came out) and fainted.

"Hello, Harry," Hermione said, not looking remotely bothered by any of the above mentioned.

"Hello-burp, Hermione-burp!" Harry smiled, then turned to George. "George-burp, can-burp- you please-burp- lift-burp- the spell-burp burp?"

George shook his head, still shaking with laughter. "Its irreversible," he managed to get out between chuckles.

Harry's eyes widened, and too fainted.

**A/N: Yay! Another chapter! Congratulations to ReaderBookwormReader, for your brilliant and crazy idea! Well done everybody else, too, though!**

**Harry: You better review, did you see the humiliation I had to go through for this story?!**

**Coco: You heard him, guys! Get reviewing!**

**Harry: Yeah, or else I'll come to your house and burp the Alphabet for you ALL NIGHT!**

**Coco: Er, thanks for that, Harry!**

**Ginny: *Drools over Harry's body***

**Coco: Oh, for goodness sake, Harry! Put something on!**

**Harry: *Huffs* Fine… *Goes to put some clothes on***

**Ginny: *snaps awake as if she was in a trance*. Erm… *wipes drool of chin* Right… I'd better go… Guys, remember to review!**

**Xo**

**~Coco **


	5. Chapter 5

Harry Potter and the Magic of Stupidity

**A/N: Titillando is the tickeling charm. Just so ya know. Enjoy!**

Chapter 5-

Pink Hot Chocolate, Body Colours & Aliens

"I'm bored." Harry announced. After the excitement of the last week, with Code Blue and all (but, of course, the burping spell had not really been irreversible), it was terribly boring to just sit and do nothing.

"Shall we play Quidditch?" Ron asked. Harry shook his head.

"Shall we prank someone?" The twins suggested.

"Nah…" Harry said.

"Shall we do homework?" Hermione asked, not looking up from her Ancient Runes book. Harry wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Shall we read magazines?" Ginny asked, bored. She had not completely forgotten The Kiss, but she was too embarrassed about her reaction to Harry's six pack to do anything about it. So they were back to friend-zone.

Harry shook his head again.

**"**Shall we study for your OWLs even though you have an entire year before you have to start worrying about them?" Percy asked.

Everybody stared at him.

"I was joking?" He offered half-heartedly.

Then Mrs Weasley came into the living room with a tray of hot chocolate. Harry jumped up from the squishy sofa, grabbed five of the seven mugs, drank them all within three seconds, handed the empty mugs to Hermione, Ginny, the twins and Percy, took the final two mugs, gave one to Ron, and sat down again.

Sipping the delicious liquid, he looked at the others, only to find them staring at him with open mouths. They looked from him to their empty mugs, not knowing how to react.

"Cheers!" Harry said, clinking mugs with a bemused Ron.

Mrs Weasley was the first to recover. She shook her head, and quickly went to the kitchen, presumably to get more hot chocolate.

Harry stared into the brown liquid, and said, "I hate the colour brown. Why must something as delicious as this be such a disgusting colour?"

The others didn't say anything, they were still staring at him like he had pink hair or something.

Then Harry remembered that he did have pink hair. He had done a spell once a few years ago, that if he ever drank five mugs of hot chocolate within three seconds, he would get pink hair.

"Hello? Nobody answered my question." He said, waving his hand in front of Hermione's face.

"My hair is brown!" She said after a moment, sounding offended.

"Gross." Harry said, staring into his mug.

"Your hair was brown a moment ago…" George pointed out helpfully.

"Not anymore!" Harry said cheerfully.

"So… You are planning on keeping it this way?" Ginny asked carefully.

"Of course not," Harry scoffed. Everyone gave a relieved sigh. "I plan on changing it every day!"

"Erm, what sort of colours are you planning on having it?" Ginny asked.

"Well, for one week I'll have it pink, all shades of it. I can have candyfloss pink, bubble-gum pink, fuchsia, neon, dark, light, EVERYTHING!" Harry said, jumping up and down happily, clapping his hands.

The others exchanged looks.

"Please don't get mad, Harry, but I don't think that it is allowed to have that sort of hair at Hogwarts…" Hermione said nervously.

"Who cares? Like they can do anything against it!" Harry said, still jumping up and down.

"And it will clash horribly with your Gryffindor robes." Fred pointed out.

Harry gasped. How could he not have thought of that? "Omigodomigodomigod! WHAT DO I DO NOW!?" He screamed, freaking out.

"Change it back?" Ginny told him, not bothering to look up from WitchWeekly, which she had resumed reading after the situation got boring.

"Oh yeah. _Hairnomorepinkiatus_" Harry said, pointing his wand at his head. _These wizards came up with the most original spells, _he thought.

"Now your hair is brown too." Hermione said, still mad about the comment he had made about her hair.

"Hey, Hermione, if you care so much about your hair, why don't you do something with it?" Harry asked, angry about the comment she made about his now back-to-normal hair.

"Excuse me?" she asked, sounding genuinely hurt.

"In case it makes you feel better, the Weasleys have rubbish hair, too." He told her sincerely.

Hermione looked a bit less sad, but the Weasleys all looked horrified.

"Except for Ginny. Her hair is awesome." Harry added as an afterthought.

Ginny looked pleased, but the other Weasleys looked livid. Thankfully, just then Mrs Weasley entered with five more mugs of hot chocolate.

When she left, Harry suddenly had an inspiration. "Omigosh! I have this totally awesometastic idea!" he said, jumping up, almost spilling his hot chocolate.

"Let's charm the hot chocolate and make it so that they it is a different colour for everybody! Who likes poopy brown hot chocolate? Let's make them green and blue and pink and red!"

The others looked slightly nervous. However, Harry wouldn't take no for an answer. He made Ginny's hot chocolate green, Hermione's blue, Ron's maroon (just to annoy him), Fred and George's yellow and purple respectively, Percy's orange, and his own one a bright pink.

Everyone took a sip of their brew. It took a moment for them to register that they had turned the colour of their drink. And not just their skin, but all their hair (even the eyelashes!) pupils, fingernails, lips, and clothes.

They looked at each other, then they all looked slowly down at their body. Ginny and Hermione screamed, the twins burst out laughing, Percy inspected a piece of dirt under his fingernail that had also turned purple, and Harry started dancing the tango.

"Why are you dancing the tango?" Hermione asked Harry after a moment.

"Well since the tango is from Austria, and the Austrian flag is pink, I thought it was a good thing to do." Harry told her, before spinning around and doing the splits in the air.

"No, that's not right, Harry…" She said, but then she remembered that her whole body was blue, and she started screaming again.

The twins were crying from laughter, and Ron was actually crying.

"Out of all the colours, it had to be MAROON!" He sobbed, rocking back and forth.

After half an hour, the others had slowly collected themselves. Harry was still doing the tango whilst singing the Polish national anthem.

"Okay, very funny, but now turn us back to normal, Harry." George said, wiping tears of laughter off his face.

"No can do, Signora." Harry said in a Russian accent. He had now stopped doing the tango, but was doing ballet pirouettes instead.

This new piece of information took a moment to sink in. Then, at the same time, everybody got up, and started walking towards Harry.

"Oh-oh," Harry said, and started walking backwards towards the door, humming Beethoven's fifth symphony under his breath.

"KILL HIM!" Ginny screamed, and the five people (Percy was reading a book about the properties of the colour orange) started running towards him.

"Ahhh!" Harry screamed like a girl, and fled towards the door.

They chased him twice around the garden, when Harry jumped over the fence and ran towards the muggle village.

_POV of a random muggle grandpa_

"Do you think carrots or broccoli are yummier?" I asked the grocery store shopkeeper.

"Both! Get them both!" He told me eagerly.

"Okay," I shrugged, and bought ten of each.

I stepped out of the shop, and set off down the street. It was a windy day, not that I minded.

I heard a shout coming from along the road, and my first thought was that it would be an alien invasion. I had always wanted to see an alien invasion, but sadly they had never invaded when I had been around. Oh well.

Then I saw a little, bright pink _thing _run around the corner, and my heart nearly stopped. I couldn't believe it! An actual alien!

I couldn't move, I was so excited. That was when several more aliens ran round the corner. They seemed to be chasing the pink one. I immediately developed a theory in my head. _The pink alien crash-landed the spaceship on earth, and now the other aliens are cross, and need to hunt him down._

All aliens were different colours. The green one that seemed to be leading the chasing group looked like a female (it had long green hair whipping around its shoulders) and it seemed the angriest.

It was followed by two similar-looking aliens, except for a purple one and a yellow one. _They are probably a married couple. The purple one is the wife, I guess. Do aliens even get married? _I wondered.

Finally, there was a maroon coloured alien, who was puffing and tears were running down its cheeks. _Ooh! And that's their child! But why is it taller than the parents? _I wondered. _Maybe Aliens are born like long snakes, and they get fatter as they get older. Yay! Now I have a new theory!_

I watched as they chased the pink alien (also female?) up the tree, then they looked confused, and I wondered why they didn't follow it up. _Aliens are afraid of heights. _I noted mentally. Then they started patting the tree. _Nope, aliens are afraid of trees._

Then the green alien pulled out a twig. _Aliens use twigs as weapons. _I noted, feeling a little disappointed. I had imagined laser-guns, or something similarly exciting.

The green alien shouted something that sounded like "_Titillando!" _and I thought, _Aliens have a different language. She is probably condemning him to his death._

The pink alien was writhing around in the tree, he looked like he was in pain. _Oh gosh, they are torturing him! _I thought. I wanted to go and help him, but my legs didn't want to do what I asked them.

Then I heard that the pink alien was giggling. _Aliens can giggle, and their sticks can send rays of… tickling light?_

This was getting more interesting by the second!

Then, suddenly, the branch snapped (the one the pink alien had been balancing on), and the pink alien fell to the ground. It stood up, and ran back in the direction it came from, with the others chasing it.

The four aliens had all taken out their twigs, and were shooting different coloured rays at the pink alien. I made a mental note: _Aliens have laser-guns hidden in their twigs._

I watched as the multi-coloured aliens ran round the corner, and I had to wait for several minutes until I could think straight. I quickly took out my notebook, and read the following:

**Life Wishes:**

**Eat 100 different types of fruits and vegetables: 89/100**

**Get a pet Rhino and call it Louie:**

**See aliens: CHECK!**

I wrote, my writing wobbly from my excitement. I then spent the next half an hour writing every detail of what I had just seen, and then I wrote down some of my theories concerning aliens.

**Theory #322: Aliens prefer carrots to broccoli.**

I finished, then I closed my book. _I prefer carrots, too. _I thought, as I munched on a carrot that I had bought earlier today.

Then I went home, humming the theme song from the movie E.T.

**A/N: So, that was a bit different! What it must have looked like from a muggle man's point of view. And I thought it was about time that I granted someone their life-wish.**

**How did you like it? I'll probably not have more by this gramps, unless you guys want it.**

**And what did you think of this chapter? Let me know!**

Harry: And-ouch- don't worry, I survived!

Coco: That's-erm… Nice, Harry! Definitely nice…

Harry: I hate you. You make me go through such horrible things!

Coco: Oh, Harry, you know you love me. And you deserved it!

Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Fred & George: YEAH!

Percy: *Looks up from his book* Huh? I- er- YEAH!

Harry: I hate you guys… *Limps away* (pause) *Limps back* but I love YOU guys! And with that I mean the readers! Especially if you REVIEW! And, even better, FAVOURITE! *Wink wink* (pause) And now I will GO! *Dramatic exit*

Coco: Okay, right. Well, anyway. I just wanted to add-

Harry: *Limps back in* I forgot my wand. *Dramatic exit #2*

Coco: Okay, well, an important note: THE NEW UPDATE DAY IS ON FRIDAY! DON'T FORGET! So, BYE!

**Xo**

**~Coco**


	6. Chapter 6

Harry Potter and the Magic of Stupidity

Chapter 6-

Arguments, Manly Make Up & Harriet

"Ginny…"

"Shut up."

"Listen-"

"No."

"Please!"

"Nope."

"Pretty Please?"

"NO!"

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"WHAT?"  
Ginny whirled around, smacking Harry in the face with her long green hair.

She had been like this to him since he had admitted that he didn't know a counter-curse.

Harry took a deep breath. "Well, I know that you must be really, _really _mad at me," Ginny snorted. "But I want you to know that I'm really, _really _sorry, and I can't go back in time, but if I could, I would," Ginny snorted again, "Okay fine, maybe I wouldn't, but I really, _really _hate it when you are mad at me!" Ginny snorted a third time, "and I think that if we go back to Hogwarts, then this will be seen as a new fashion statement!" Ginny snorted. Harry paused, and said, "Will you please stop snorting? You sound like a pig." Ginny glared at him, spun around (whipping him in the face again), and flounced off.

Harry sighed. He stared down at his pink body, and then inspected his pink clothes. It turned out that any clothes they put on magically turned the colour of their body. That was the only thing Harry was sad about; some of his clothes looked horrible in the colour pink.

Harry laughed at the thought of what McGonagall would say when she saw them.

_*Harry's Imagination*_

_"__Potter! Weasleys! Granger!" Professor McGonagall shouts._

_"__Er- Professor is something the matter?" Harry asks politely._

_"__Yes! Those body colours!"_

_"__It was Harry's fault!" Hermione says immediately. Harry gives her his best death-glare. She quickly adds, "But we all agreed!"_

_Professor McGonagall looks at them, and looks at her old, wrinkly hands._

_"__Potter, I will allow you to keep these body colours." Harry and his friends gave each other high-five, laughing. "But there is one condition. I want you to make my skin-colour red! Bright, Gryffindor red!"_

_Harry grinned, and pulled out his wand. He waved it, and Professor McGonagall was red within seconds. She thanked him, and ran off, skipping like a happy child._

_*End of Harry's imagination* (No, not literally, you idiot. Just end of the flashback)_

Harry sighed, a dopey, happy smile on his face. He climbed the stairs into the room he and Ron shared, and he glared at all the Chudley Cannons posters.

The little people on the pictures just stuck their tongue out at him.

Harry stuck his tongue right back at them, before he left the room, slamming the door.

He then went into Ginny's room, opening the door without knocking (thankfully she wasn't standing there naked, or the situation would have gotten really awkward…) and barging in. Ginny wasn't in her room at the moment, which was lucky, seeing as Harry had only just remembered that Ginny was mad at him.

He went over to Ginny's drawers, and was just about to steal some cards from her chocolate frog cards collection, when she whipped open the door. Her green eyes blazing.

"And just what do you think you are doing here?" She asked, glaring at him.

"Erm, I…" Harry frantically tried to think of a plausible lie. "I followed the bunnies here!"

Ginny just started walking towards him, with and Harry was feeling more scared than he liked to admit. She did look very frightening, with her green hair, green skin, and green eyes.

"BOO-YEAH!" Harry suddenly shouted, making her jump.

Ginny paused, looking at him carefully. Then she gave a satisfied smile, making Harry feel very uncomfortable.

Suddenly, so fast that Harry couldn't react, she had pulled out her wand and froze him. She laughed maniacally, and Harry couldn't help but feel more afraid. If he wasn't frozen, he would be shaking.

Ginny went over to her drawers, and pulled out a small bag, causing Harry to wonder what torture devices she had hidden inside it.

She pulled out an object, and it took Harry a moment to place it. When he realised what it was, it hit him like a tsunami. He would have screamed, he wanted to run away to Africa, he wanted a hole in the earth to swallow him up.

In her hand, Ginny was holding lipstick.

She leered at him, and stared advancing towards him. "This," she said, smearing the lipstick on his mouth, "is for making my body turn a different colour."

"This," she said, putting eye shadow on his eyelids, "is for my hair."

"This," she said, covering his face with purple blush (she had chosen purple because pink would not have shown up on his skin), "is for my clothes."

"This," she said, almost poking his eye out with her eyeliner, "is for my eyes."

"And this," she said, putting 'Vani's Volumizing V-Mascara (_so _magical)' on his eyelashed, "is for MAKING THAT COLOUR GREEN!" she shouted.

Harry was almoust crying by now, however, the worst had yet to come. She pulled out her wand, and muttered a spell.

"And finally, this spell is going to make sure that as long as I am green, you will look like a GIRL!" she cackled evilly and grabbed her broom. She ran to the window and jumped out, still laughing.

Harry heard a crash, and then an angry shout, "Damn it! Mum, why did you put the cleaning broom in my room! I needed a magical one!"

A little while later, the freezing charm wore off.

Harry went hesitantly to the mirror, and gasped. He looked like a GIRL! A hot girl, mind you (except for the pink skin, clothes and hair), but still a GIRL!

He screamed like a girl, causing Ron to run into the room.

"Who are you?" he asked, clearly confused. "You look like Harry! Are you his twin sister that he casually forgot to mention?"

Harry scoffed. "No, I'm Harry!"

Ron held out his hand. "Pleased to meet you, Harriet. I'm Ron."

"No, you buffoon! I'm Harry Potter! Your best friend!"

Ron looked even more confused. "Yeah, we can be best friends if you like, but I only just met you!"

Harry resisted the urge to slam his head into the wall. "Gosh, you are so stupid sometimes! Your. Sister. Ginny. Put. Make. Up. On. Me. To. Make. Me. Look. Like. A. GIRL!" Harry said slowly, as if speaking to a child.

"Yes, you do look like a girl, Harriet, and I'm glad that Ginny made a new friend." Ron said, not really grasping the concept.

Harry realised that it was hopeless. "Can I see Hermione?" he asked.

"Sure, Harriet, let me take you to see her!" Ron said, skipping down the stairs before he tripped and fell down an entire landing.

Hermione was currently reading a book. Surprise, surprise.

"Harry, why do you look like a girl? Oh, I know. I bet Ginny got revenge on you for turning her green by putting make up on you, and I bet it won't wear off until you make her look like normal again." Hermione said.

Harry was really grateful that at least one of his friends had common sense.

"Do you know a counter-curse?" Harry asked hopefully.

"Yes. And I also know one for our colours." She sighed.

"I love you, Hermione, I really do!"

Ron looked even more confused. "You're a lesbian, Harriet? Why didn't you tell me?"

Harry and Hermione ignored him.

"_Doresnisius Lenterbent Signorpa!" _Hermione said, not bothering to take out her wand (she was just brilliant in that way).

There was a bright flash, causing everybody in the Weasly household to blink twice, twitch their left eye, and rub their eyes with their right hand.

Harry saw, to his delight, that he was back to normal. "Yay!" he squealed, dashing up and down the stairs several times.

"Children! POST!" Mrs Weasley shouted, so Harry dashed into the kitchen.

His face fell, and he felt as if a balloon had just deflated inside him.

For on the table was the newest copy of the daily prophet, and on the cover was a picture of Harry, wrapped in neon-yellow toilet paper, burping the alphabet, shaking his six pack around. The title was 'The Boy Who Lived gets Groovy!'

**A/N: Okay, next chapter is going to be the Quidditch World Cup! Look forward to that!**

**Thank you to everybody that reviewed, followed or favourited this story, it means so much to me! As a small reward, I will start replying to every review left from now on, and everybody that favourited this story will get a surprise (and so will everybody that favourites from now on! Thank you so much!)**

**Xo**

**~Coco**


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